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You should also find an emergency eye-liner pencil. In the event of a total hosiery meltdown, you can use this to draw a single line up the back of each leg to give the impression of seamed stockings. And, as Albie has pointed out in the forward to this letter that you won't have read, illusion and actuality are pretty much the same things. I am concerned that given that my taste in lingerie tends to the itty-bitty-aint-it-pretty that your proud, upright member of Britishness may not receive adequate lacey concealment. I have, therefore, also sent a cock cage. This will keep it happily subdued and quite safe from stray bullets. I felt it was best if I kept the key but do feel free to pop round when you get back from your seashore paddle at Dunkirk and we can have a nice little chat about its future use and security and explore my docking and harbouring arrangements. As for your French hosts, you really shouldn't concern yourself with their opinions. Not only are they not British and. They seem like regular men. Why? They are regular guys. Any man can get abused by a woman. It’s not a question of size or strength. Have you ever seen an angry woman attacking a man? It’s not funny. It’s damn scary! Guess what? Almost a million men suffer this kind of thing daily. It’s sad but true. What can you do about it? What you can do about is open your mind. When you hear your neighbor and his lady arguing at night, you need to do some thinking. You may think that the lady needs help and that the man is abusing her. You might be wrong. The lady might be attacking the man and abusing him. She might be trying to kill him. Or their children. Or the family pet. The police will come and arrest the guy. Guess what? Maybe the guy wasn’t guilty of domestic violence. Maybe the girl was the violent one who attacked and hurt him. Maybe she is the one who should have been arrested. Cops need to be made aware of this. Male victims of domestic violence need help too. It’s not only women who.
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